Professional letter writer

It's one of my hobbies. I enjoy it and feel like I'm good at it. After my letters to both my builder and my mover, I got positive results. It always helps when you cc the email to a lawyer. (thanks Mara!) So, I figured it was time to get in touch with the police regarding the sketch that is occurring a stone's throw away from me. Below you'll find that letter:

Hello Officers,

I write to you today because I've witnessed all sorts of sketchy situations from my loft windows.

I have recently moved into the building (1 month ago) and between the domestic disputes, screeching tires, gun violence, drug deals, and some serious prostitution I feel like installing surveillance cameras is the only way to get the crime out of here.
The Coffee Time across the street is home to all of these thugs who linger for hours or meet their customers to "hook up".

If I have seen these occurrences with my own two eyes, I feel like your presence would be crucial to deter the criminals. I would even offer you my loft to stake out and nab these assholes who make me feel uneasy and unsafe.

In other news, I organized my recipe box and did a costco run in preparation for dinner on Monday. Tonight, I intend to register for a lavalife.com profile and lay on the couch.