Cold pizza and diet coke for breakfast

I woke at 7:20 am this morning because I overheard a conversation outside involving two homeless people drinking coffee time coffee and smoking cigarettes, who have serious volume control problems. I couldn't fall back asleep so I read the rest of my book, "Straight Up and Dirty" (hence the title of my blog) and then became quickly obsessed with the author of the book. Stephanie Klein is the inspiration for this blog. Her book is hysterical, true to life and I want to be her buddy. Check out her blog at http://www.stephanieklein.com. You'll be addicted and all women and men who want to laugh should read it and her book.
I started the prep for my Yom Kippur dinner. I made the orzo salad, chocolate cheesecake brownies and then attempted to start the marinade for the roasted red pepper and basil salmon until I realized I actually needed a man. I rarely feel like I NEED a man. I could not for the life of me open the costco-sized jar of roasted red peppers. I tried hot water, I tried a towel but to no avail it remains sealed on the counter. Every time I pass the counter I make another attempt with all of my might. Maybe the dining room table delivery men will lend their strength. If there ever get here. They half 1/2 an hour before I call to complain.

Professional letter writer

It's one of my hobbies. I enjoy it and feel like I'm good at it. After my letters to both my builder and my mover, I got positive results. It always helps when you cc the email to a lawyer. (thanks Mara!) So, I figured it was time to get in touch with the police regarding the sketch that is occurring a stone's throw away from me. Below you'll find that letter:

Hello Officers,

I write to you today because I've witnessed all sorts of sketchy situations from my loft windows.

I have recently moved into the building (1 month ago) and between the domestic disputes, screeching tires, gun violence, drug deals, and some serious prostitution I feel like installing surveillance cameras is the only way to get the crime out of here.
The Coffee Time across the street is home to all of these thugs who linger for hours or meet their customers to "hook up".

If I have seen these occurrences with my own two eyes, I feel like your presence would be crucial to deter the criminals. I would even offer you my loft to stake out and nab these assholes who make me feel uneasy and unsafe.

In other news, I organized my recipe box and did a costco run in preparation for dinner on Monday. Tonight, I intend to register for a lavalife.com profile and lay on the couch.

Senior citizen moments

Even though I know I'm pretty full of spunk and have a zest for life, I never cease to amaze myself with my behaviours. You know, crawling into bed and calculating how many hours I have to sleep until the alarm goes off, writing letters to various companies, showering early enough in the evening to blow dry my hair, phoning 1-800 numbers when I'm not satisfied with a product, and most recently the granny cart. Ever since I have lived in a dorm/apartment/condo or loft (the past 6 years) I have observed the value of the granny cart. In Toronto, one cannot drive their shopping cart to their vehicle. Whether it's because many people commute, or there are thieves who want to own the cart I will never know. This evening I did a serious Wal-Mart shop. That establishment is always a zoo and is home to the most sketchy and freakish of people. I purchased many canned goods, bottles of pop and juice and just couldn't do it in one trip to the car. I had parked very far away, had to dump the bags which got caught on the zipper of my jacket and cursed the fact that I decided to undertake such a venture when I was so tired and annoyed with the cost of life. Don't think I was running out of toilet paper. In fact, I have 5 rolls left, but I like to prepare. I learned these techniques from my Babas. Another senior citizen tendency.
About 2 weeks ago I drove into the parkade and noticed a busted out red granny cart in my spot. Strange indeed. Tonight, she came in handy. It was stress free and I didn't cut the circulation off to my hands. Someone must be looking out for me. I picked up all of the ingredients for a dinner I'm having in 4 days to break the Yom Kippur fast. It's quite the menu I'm planning. I also intend to go to bed by 9 pm after watching Gray's Anatomy, a show that I don't REALLY watch, but enjoy the hospital and relationship drama. Speaking of relationship drama, I saw The Last Kiss last night. I wanted to go to the 6:40 show, but got convinced to go to the 9:40, because I was told that I'm not a senior and don't need to go to the early bird show. The movie was 1/2 teeny-bopper and half funny. Really, I just learned that monogamous relationships are so hard to come by and the cheating tempation, whether emotional or physical is always there. Perfect. Just what I needed to confirm my already cynical attitude towards serious relationships. Oy, a broch.

Assertion

Some broad asked me at work yesterday if I had been at the school forever, because I speak my mind and I walk around like I know the place. I laughed and told her I'm new but am familiar with the place, but yes I am assertive.
Speaking of being assertive I decided that it was time to harass my movers again. It's been nearly 2 months since the shitty experience and I'm still waiting for my proper bed and dining room table.
The following is the e-mail that I sent to the owner of the company:

Doug,

Do you think those fucking crooks left me with a copy of the
inventory list? When I was on the phone with you I had the list in
front of me.
I only noticed that the picture was missing once I went to hang it
up. The inventory number I think from my memory was 42 or 44? It
was labeled as a mirror. Which it was, but the mirror, wrapped in
bubble wrap was taped to the piece of art. It was ALL one inventory
number. Whichever assholes stole my other goods, obviously
covertly removed the art as they could tell it was valuable (the
antique frame alone) and left the mirror as the sole piece of
inventory. You and I had a conversation about the fact that it was a
sentimental piece and that's it's irreplaceable. I didn't address the
fact that it was missing until 3 or so weeks after the delivery when I
went to put things on the walls.
You of all people should understand that when one receives a
shipment that has been in storage for 2 months, that accounting
for each item is virtually impossible.
The bookshelf structure was delivered, but the plywood gray IKEA
shelves which they dismantled in Calgary were not accounted for
separately.
FYI, I still haven't MADE you pay me for the white IKEA bookshelf
that was delivered in several pieces.

I expect that you will pay me for EVERY penny that was spent trying
to get the value of my furniture back. It's in the $600 range and
it's not fair for me to be asking for this reimbursement weekly.
This is why I purchased insurance. So that the value of my
possessions would be safe.

As I said on your voicemail message, I don't want to get my mother
and my lawyers involved. I expect the cheque by October 20, 2006
and if not I will pursue legal action.

Naomi Pfeffer

I also threatened the developer of my building with the health department even though their response was "You need to deal with the developer and the warranty people about this matter, the City cannot assist". Awesome. I can't wait to deal with the next incompetent service worker. In other news, my dishwasher is now fixed but the technician said the builders installed the dishwasher hose incorrectly. Can't wait for that to start leaking!

The blog

I feel like a need to be able to access the blog from a distance. I don't mean while I'm out of town or at work, I mean while commuting or where an internet connection be available. I'm thinking about a Blackberry, but can't imagine having something else that I'm attached to. Seriously. My digital camera, rechargable battery pack (just in case), laptop, photo transfer unit, cellphone and iPod are all in tote. I doubt I'd commit to the crackberry, although I am a fan of pretending to be a high profile business woman.
Sleeps post hockey are now my least favourite evenings and evidently mornings the day after are N.G. It's obviously the adrenalin that pumps and the night cap that put me over the edge today. I turned bitchy and negative. I haven't been like that in one whole month! It's a celebration. Tonight I hope to be passed out by 9.

An update

Shana Tova to all. Happy Jewish New year that is. I had a little bit of a rough year in the sin department, so I've contemplated, repented and asked for forgiveness. The venue was a large gymnasium filled with folding banquet chairs. A great service even though there were crying babies, voices that could have shattered the basketball backboards and various side conversations.
Have a sore throat and an annoying cold. I feel like I'm 65 years old with my tissue and watering eyes. Friday night, I watched 8 episodes of Weeds. That's half of the first season. It's phenomenal. It's the perfect balance between terribly upsetting and hysterically funny. I highly recommend it. I'll watch the other half today.
I continue to harass my loft developer for these deficiencies. It is apparently just the norm for them to be jerks and have no concern for the owners. I leave nasty voice mail messages and try to threaten him. He does not respond. I'm convinced I got the cold because the temperature in here is now very cool in the evening hours. The dishwasher is slated to be fixed on Wednesday afternoon. Hockey tomorrow night, meeting on Tuesday night. There is also an info/bitch session slated for next week regarding the f'in condo fee hike. Maybe that cute guy who parks next to me will be there. Really, I've accepted the increase. I'll use the information night as a tool for meeting men. I'm canceling the jdate tomorrow. Nothing has come to fruition and it's $40.00 that I don't need to be spending. I'm on an austerity program.

Another Habit

So I've been having the craving to blog for a couple of days now but my free wireless network is no longer at my disposal. So, this entry is in fact a transcript from my notebook that I wrote in while in bed. Luckily I have enough light coming in from the practically lit by a Kenny Roger's Roasters sign that I like to call Dupont @ Landsdowne.
Of late there has been a domestic dispute at Coffee Time, some serious police presence. You know, the usual. With no wireless internet network for online dating and perusing, I resorted to a pencil and paper blog post. There is something to be said about the old-fashioned method. I wonder if snail mail, handwritten cards and jot notes will one day become obsolete. I digress.

Hockey is my new form of fitness. It's only once a week, but it's a start, right? A team of 11 men and 3 women who knows the rules, enjoy the game but are by no means fit or fabulous. I was sweating balls, cheered when we scored and had loads of fun. Tomorrow, I present my shpeil to my students' parents and work the crowds. Hence the fact that I'm in bed by 9:30 but my forearm is really starting to ache. I really need to put a call into Rogers. Or should I go with Bell? Either way I really gotta get hooked up STAT.

****THIS JUST IN****
Much to my chagrin, I can't go to sleep this early. In fact, I was CONVINCED there was a thug in the loft and I was going to get hit with the ricochet from a Coffee Time bullet while I went to check if I had any uninvited guests. Who would find me? Would I be wounded or fatally injured? So, I held my nail clippers in a fist and attempted to get to the cell phone (which was charging in the other room) to phone a close friend. Network busy. For 3 whole minutes. This was it. Over! My back to the wall, with weak knees, I NEEDED to get in touch. Phoned Fido to give them hell for this recurring problem from all over the city and to scold the shit out them. She took the info. Said it happens all the time. Normal. I feel safe.
Checked my mac and the wireless has kicked in again. My cell's working too. Holy drama.

Oy, I'm shepping!

My former student's Bat Mitzvah was spectacular. There were speeches, hugs, laughter, tears and she did SUCH a fabulous job. That family embraces Julia and everyone was so proud. After having 2 healthy daughters, Julia was born with Cerebral Palsy. They built her a little podium and she shone. Her father sobbed when he said, "we have SUCH high hopes for you, just as we have for our other two daughters. Dream big!", he said. I cried and really shepped nachus for her and her family. Needless to say, my eyes are swollen this morning.

It is what it is!

So, I've calmed down since the condo fees were increased. I guess I just didn't realize that our fiscal year ended September 30, so the increase was SO soon. My cousin, also my lawyer made me feel better by telling me that his increase was by 50%. His fees are up to $750.00. He's a lawyer and so is his girlfriend. Woe is me.

In other news, I went on a date with a guy whom I was set up with. We didn't click but it was a complimentary two glasses of wine at a cool place.

Now I'm in Calgary and it's flurrying. It's also 2 degrees. It's fun to visit with everyone but I do remember that I often used to say that, "I hate my life".

Tonight is my former student's Bat Mitzvah and a weekend full of functions. I love functions and catered events.

Oh, the down side to life!

So, I got a letter today form the property management company saying that my condo fees would be increased as of October 1, 2006 to $433.00. In case you didn't know what I paid before (ie. for 1 month, it was $309.00) That's an increase of 29%. I'm sick, feel stupid and ripped off. I told both my lawyer and my agent that it was my number one fear. Blah blah. New building. Whatever.
I also realize that the air conditioner isn't working properly and my dishwasher door is broken. The joys.
In other news, I do have a date with a boy who was handed my number by my co-worker on Wednesday. At least he didn't get it from a bathroom stall.
Goodnight.

Boys & Food

I love it how when boys arrive they bring fun, food and shenanigans. There are corn chips, party sandwiches, sushi, turkey breast and 7 layer dip in the fridge now. The boys actually ventured down to the Coffee Time. Went to a party full of Hebrews, with cookies and all and had a great night there and then at a pub. Coffee Time emerged as a topic of conversation a number of times. I was totally on tonight!
There was a cool guy. I was referring to him as my boyfriend. I felt like we were making eyes. Took a cab home and am now on the couch. I (heart) weekends.

The Po-lice

As of 9:51 this Friday evening, there are only 3 police cruisers parked outside that very same Coffee Time.
I sent an e-mail to Tim Horton's.

Whoah.

So I woke up this morning only to turn on the television to my favourite station, CP 24 - news 24/7 to find out that there's been a shooting. Oy, there hasn't been a single murder in this city in a month! It occurred at a Coffee Time (a classy establishment) they mentioned the location which happens to me DIRECTLY across the street from me. I drew back the blinds to check if there was police tape. Seriously, I can see that place from all of my windows. Direct line of sight. He didn't die, he's 20 and was only shot in the back. Although I hear regular medical/fire/drug bust emergencies, I slept right through this one. Maybe I'll wear a bullet proof vest around the loft instead of my robe.
The solution, now that this area is full of new residential buildings is for some retail to move in. I'm thinking a Tim Horton's, 7-11 or even a Mac's might improve the sitch here.
I've gotten the guest room ready for Aaron and Matt, and their bathroom is fully equipped. Still low on the furniture, but a blow up mattress will do. Tomorrow is the supposed delivery of the sofa and the coffee table. I'll believe it when I see it.

The Grind.

Back to it and I feel fine. They're rowdy, total characters and I love them already. I overheard students in grade 6 talking about how they recognized me from grade 2 when I taught them their Nations Around the World Unit as a student teacher. They reminisced about how I brought foods and music from around the world and how fun it was. I was touched. It made my week. Actually, it confirmed to me why I went back to this profession. It's my calling. The teachable moments, the rapport with students and parents the knack for this sorta thing. I feel challenged and energized again!
Let's see how long this optimism for a great year lasts.

Fitness gurus

You know how fitness gurus claim that the more active you are the more energy you'll have. Well, I'm a skeptic, but this morning it did make sense. I awoke early because of the light and the noise and because I was in bed by 11. I puttered and then decided that because the sun was peeking out it wa time for a bike ride. I can honestly count on one hand the number of bike rides I've gone on in my life. Got the helmut on after sitting in my robe, lululemon pants, socks and runners for a good hour, filled the tires with air (only in Toronto does one pay 50 cents for a blast of air) and off I went. West on Dupont onto Bloor to South Kingsway and two laps through High Park on my way back.
The first task I'm conquering is the hemming of the drapes. They're long, look sloppy and I've got all the gear. An iron, the hem webbing, a damp cloth and scissors. I've got to figure out a way to hem them while they're still hanging. You know, cutting corners.
A loaf pan! I use the loaf pan as a buffer between the steaming hot iron and my leg and press firmly for 15-20 seconds, or just until the pan starts to heat my thigh. I AM resourceful. I AM fit. I actually do have energy. Tell me that the man who marries me is a lucky man!
While contemplating the bike ride, I, of course, was online dating. I came across a guy named Porsche Star. Actually, he came across me. IM'ed me and very quickly got to the point the this was a day for cuddling and renting a movie in his condo. Whoah. Simmer down buddy. I told him I was en route to my fit lifestyle and I'd have to take a raincheque for his cuddling.
Back to the hem ironing and art hanging.
Oh, by the way. I did give the porschestar my number.

Boy Crazy!

Oy, a broch! I really am reverting back to being boy crazy. So, the date was fun. It was nice conversation, a few laughs and a bottle of wine. I can tell that he's a great guy, with lots of friends and a seriously supportive family. I just felt no attraction. He seems to be a little too straight edge for me. I could recommend him to a couple of friends I think. So he dropped me off at 11 and I was still game to go out. Phoned the Israeli, no answer. Texted a former guy who I love to hang out with, he was sleeping, so I went out with friends (ie. couples). Had a great time at the bar and was home in bed by 1:30.
Today, I find out that the Israeli is likely staying until mid-December. He also said he'd phone me tonight at 8. It's 9:30. He's just not the attentive guy he was during the first (and only) week we hung out. He's a backburner kind of guy. You know, he's my now, not my forever. If only he'd call!
Tonight is a Desperate Housewives rerun evening and I'll curl up to the Bible a little later. It's time to brush up on my Exodus and Book of Joshua knowledge. After all, it's teaching time on Tuesday.

It's official,

I'm still cursed. Someone stole my cell phone today. The movers are shlepping all of my classroom furniture during the a.m. staff meeting, I even contemplated taking it, but thought it would be rude. I made eye contact with it on my desk. Post meeting it was gone! Without accusing, I was really firm and pissed. Alas, I've dropped $150 on a new phone of the same variety today because as you know I'm a slave to the cell phone. They also couldn't guarantee delivery until the 10th of September. I think not!
Following the first formal staff meeting at my brand new school, my vice-principal told me it was rude to blow bubbles. He's right. I should probably alert him that I have an oral fetish. Dinner included greek salad and mozzarella sticks in the robe. I do it because I can.